Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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