dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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