Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
