bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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