I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
