great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
