Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize