if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
