I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize