we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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