More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
