i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wear drunk well.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
