Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
