Im at strip club and am horny
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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