I just saw a hot homeless man
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
