I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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