And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize