If that was your dad, he is hot
i just google imaged poop.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
