the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
