Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
