He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
