U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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