Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
