you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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