forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
