i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
