apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
