I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize