it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We're too hungover to prance.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
