How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize