I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
