one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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