and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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