We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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