I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
