My underwear smells like fireworks.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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