Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
