Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
