I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
