I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
