not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize