Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
