She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it glows. i had to have it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
