Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
