I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
