Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
