I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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