My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize