if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
