im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
