hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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