I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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