A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
