Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Small penises have feelings too.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
