omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
