Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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