life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
