I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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