Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize