Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
