I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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