you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
