Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
