my soul wont recognize me after tonight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
