I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
