Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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