we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
