It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
