I just made out with a guy for $7.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
