Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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