So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
