i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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