My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
