my phone needs a breathalizer
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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