At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
