Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
