Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
