I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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