dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
