I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
