I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
